“Pop the P*ssy, But Let’s Not Pop Labels”: Brittany Defends New Boyfriend Brandon as Jasmine and Kristen Sound Major Jax 2.0 Alarms

In The Valley Season 3 Episode 4, Brittany Cartwright sat across from Jasmine and Kristen at dinner and proudly dropped the news: she is now officially Brandon Hanson’s girlfriend. When her friends reacted with visible shock, Brittany’s response was pure deflection: “Just be happy for me.”

The table wasn’t buying it.

Jasmine didn’t hold back, declaring in her confessional, “This guy’s messy as hell. He lives four or five hours away.

He’s got two or three baby mamas. Pop the p*ssy, but let’s not pop labels.” Kristen looked equally concerned. The skepticism feels entirely earned after everything we’ve seen so far this season.

Flash back to Episode 2: Zack went full protective bestie mode during his visit to Brittany’s sensory room for Cruz.

He bluntly warned her that Brandon has three kids by two different women, doesn’t even live in LA, and shows “similarities with Jax” — the same manipulative, love-bombing personality that once pulled Brittany in.

Brittany insisted Brandon was different because “he told me everything” and isn’t confrontational. Zack’s eye roll said it all: “The denial that you have is insane!”

By Episode 3, Brittany was already getting her “mommy makeover” with Kristen to reclaim confidence after years of Jax’s body shaming.

That same episode, she introduced Brandon at Nia and Danny’s housewarming — where he immediately inserted himself into the Michelle-Jasmine drama, triggering major Jax-style pot-stirring flashbacks for Brittany herself.

Now in Episode 4, the red flags are stacking up, yet Brittany is doubling down on the label. She’s been single for almost two years, still healing from one of Bravo’s messiest divorces, and appears dangerously close to rebounding hard. Her friends see the pattern. Zack saw it. The audience sees it.

Brittany’s arc this season has been about upgrading her life — new boobs, new confidence, new chapter as a mom to Cruz. But rushing into an exclusive relationship with a long-distance guy who already has serious baggage risks turning that glow-up into another cautionary tale.

The Kentucky Muffin deserves better than repeating history. Whether she can actually see the Jax 2.0 parallels before it’s too late might be the most compelling question of her Season 3 journey.